Friday, August 28, 2009

Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?

I was going through some of my papers tonight since I got a LC (Low Census: if we dont' have the enough patients then they call off some of the nurses, and we all take turns). I usually tear out the pages that interest me in the magazines I subscribe too so I only have a few pages, vs a full magazine. You can imagine how quickly it would take up space if I kept all the magazines over the years I subscribed too. Well, its a good idea, but after a while the loose pages of magazines then start to cause a problem. What do I do with all them? If anyone has an idea let me know...
Anyway one of the sections I have in my papers collections is of random funny stuff. I thought I'd share some of them with you over the next few days, and then I don't have to have those papers anymore. I will then have it in the blog book I'll do eventually! here's the first one:

Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?
As you study for exams, remember its not the quantity it's the quantity. And remember there is no substitute for pure unadulterated bull
Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
"First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:
If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."
The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.

2 comments:

Mags said...

I am literally laughing at that answer. I have to read it to Zeke when he gets home. That one is a keeper for humor's sake. Thanks for the laugh.

courtney said...

Hell ya! (I know, that is naughty, and yet I really wanted to write that!)

I remember you giving that to me to read, I think when we were roomates. It is still funny!